Happy Heavenly Birthday Zoey Grace

It happened in an instant.


I see two lines. I feel it. I know it. You are present. Your presence is real.


You are the third. Always.


You Graced us with your presence for only a few short weeks but you were here. You were someone who changed my life. Completely. Fully. You were a gift.

I remember.

I remember the smell of the house, the fresh air wafting through and I remember the excitement and anxiety that surrounded your coming.

I remember telling him.

Telling them.

Telling everyone.

I remember it and I close my eyes and can see it. I can see my dreams holding you inside. I see you joining us, tiny black ringlets, blue eyes and a smile that light up the room.

I remember my dreams and then.......

I remember your presence leaving as well.

I remember walking, smelling cigar smoke and that nausea I once felt was gone. Was that okay?

What was going on?

Why did I hurt?

Was it physical pain?

Should we go?

Should we stay?

If I didn't move, could I save you?

No.

You were not strong enough for the pain on this earth. Perhaps you were sent to heal me as I struggled to place one foot in front of the other.

No matter what you were sent for, you were a presence. You were a present.

How I wished it would stop. The pain. The sadness. The emotion but I lay still, hoping, wishing and wanting that you would be okay.

I said good bye.

Your dad knew I needed time alone.

I waited. I cried. I slept.

I watched as you left, your spirit, your body, your whole being.

Gone.

And I wept.

I wept for what I lost.

I wept for what I might have had.

I wept for the empty hole no one could ever fill.

I said good bye.

Good bye to you.

Good bye to what was.

Good bye to what could have been.

As you await in Heaven on your 9th Heavenly Birthday, I remember.

I remember how you made me feel.

I remember the butterflies and warmth that washed over me knowing we were together and one day I will feel that again, when Momma come home.

Happy Heavenly Birthday Zoey Grace.

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