Showing posts from December, 2016

Putting Panic in My Heart

Recently I heard about a movie on Netflix called "Asperger's are Us". Though there is no longer an official diagnosis for Asperger's according to our developmental pediatrician, she let me know that Seraphina is considered "high functioning" autistic which was once also known to be Asperger's. I thought this movie would allow me to see where my daughter was headed and how her life could be "normal".

As I tuned in, kids set up with dad watching their own movie I began to feel it. I had a burning sensation in my stomach and it wasn't heartburn. As I listened to the grown men talk, I heard the "autism accent" which so many have said that Serrie has and I wanted to cry. I felt my hands twisting around each other and soon I couldn't stop the feelings I had welling within myself.

I have many friends who are amazing and have chosen to adopt children with special needs and I always said when we were pregnant we were "praying for…

2017 The Year of My Family

I am a people pleaser.

I am co-dependent.

I like everyone to be happy. Everyone that is except me. I would give up on my own happiness to make everyone else happy. I would give up my children's happiness to make others happy too but this year I am choosing a new path.

Maybe I was too immature to realize it before. Maybe I wasn't ready to be the best ME or MOM I could be but coming into 2017, I am making some changes.

I am CHOOSING to do what is best for myself and my family. That means making time for me. I will work out because I want to. I will coach what I want to coach because I love kids. I will enroll my kids in what is important and say "no" to things that don't mean so much.

I learned this year that people are very good at doing what is best for them. For their family. I have learned that some care about others and their family and feelings while some just could care less. I have seen it first hand this month and I have decided that its time I stop worryi…

Not the Christmas I Planned

It was October and with our new family budgeting plan I was already preparing our family for Christmas. We have always had a planned giving program of one thing to wear, one thing you need, one thing you want and something to read. I began carefully finding different things for each of our five kids. I wanted it to be a special year. This year the kids have been so strong in support for their sister and the changes in our family I wanted it to be perfect.

As is life, its just not perfect. I knew that I wouldn't be getting that iPhone 7 for my oldest and the boy who wanted a Hatchimal (a week before Christmas) was going to be learning the meaning of disappointment. Still I wanted it to be a morning of magic and splendor.

As we neared Christmas, we were blessed with additional therapies for Seraphina and due to the therapies we made changes in the family. The kids stood strong as we asked them to change schools, change churches and become involved more in their community. They did i…


I hate change. Its a known fact.

However, autism has taught me to change.

Be flexible it have no control.

Learn to understand that some people will get it, others won't.

Put your family first it said, they need you most.

So we did. There has been a lot of change and its often not just impacted us as parents but the kids as well. The greatest gift is watching them grow from this disability. First, there is Jude. Anyone can tell you a year ago teachers were chasing him outside as he ran to be with his siblings in the big school Safety breech at its best. Then there is Felicity who has become a mini-therapist in our home. As she helps Seraphina you can get a blow by blow of how to fill up a cup with milk or how to put your pants on. I am in awe of how she just knows how to help her. Then there is Cecily, she's had to leave gymnastics and is probably most like me in hating change. She's done it. Beautifully. She has done it with some tears but with strength. I like …

When The Going Gets Tough

You HAVE to be tougher than they are. Today we had our first session with Seraphina's behaviorist from the district. After nearly 4 months in school I was able to get services through the district for in home therapy. She needed it. I needed it. In the past 4 months I have read books upon books, tried strategy after strategy AND attended my own ABA (applied behavior analysis) training. Its been a whirlwind...all while trying to maintain my marriage, raising another 4 kids, coaching (which I loved) and volunteering (when I can) oh yeah, and I attempt to have a Brownie Troop too.

Today however when the doorbell rang, I knew our life was about to change. I had heard so many good things about Miss Bonnie and here she was at my home. Seraphina excitedly answered the door and realizing it was NOT a child and it was an adult who would place demands on her she quickly ran off to find the nearest corner behind a table. Seraphina escapes work. She dislikes demands placed on her and is consi…

Choosing A Path

Since I began writing my Messy Blessy Momma blog its included stories of success and failure. It has featured moments where I probably should have kept quiet and moments where perhaps I said something that made the day better for someone else. In the past eight months however much of this blog has had a focus on our journey with Autism. I call this journey, #serriesstory. Though Seraphina is just one person in our family of 7, she is a component that has truly changed our family in the past year in ways we never expected and I will say for the most part, its only been for the better.

The choice to fight for a diagnosis was difficult. Though I had understanding of autism, I feared hearing those actual words and when I did consult medical professionals, they quelled my fears explaining her behaviors away with the fact that she is child number five. Choosing to get her help was scary. Its was paperwork for days, and that is no exaggeration. I have spent countless hours with a phone to my…