Happy? Halloween.

Monday was a whirlwind of a day and the end of the night left me deflated and sad. Sure, Halloween is exciting and fun.  Children running around clad in a litany of costumes and families laughing and sharing memories but this Halloween was different for me.
First, my husband was out of town. Why companies send individuals off when its a family holiday that typically means a lot to kids is beyond me. When he told me, I did stomp my feet and whine (okay no stomping but whining did ensue), I knew he had to go. Its his job. The one that pays our bills.

Then, I felt guilt. Before the day ever began I was guilty of falling short. I wouldn't make it to my son's parade. Why? My youngest had to get to the bus. Even though I wanted to make it work, it was impossible. Schools that are eleven miles apart seem to be the bane of my existence lately.

Perhaps that was all part of  God's plan. This year I have watched as friends posted videos of their children. They are beautiful. Each and every one. I love seeing them. I remember the moments some of us shared together in pregnancy. I relish in the moments that we quietly shared our hopes and dreams and wishes for healthy, happy babies. I have always told people when they ask what we want to have, "we pray for healthy but if we can't have that we pray for support to do God's will" and here I am praying for that. The support that is.

My dear sweet friend is the epitome of a teacher, not just in her classroom but in her life. You see it in each loving interaction and each time she reaches out to any person in her path. I knew in just a few short years, she would be walking my little girl through her first school experience and I was excited. I was overJOYed. That dream won't come true because this is her year. This is the year I imagined I would dress my little one up and send her into her class and she would be loved wholly by her teacher. Don't get me wrong, I believe our teachers do love my Serrie but when I saw the video of the class on Monday, of children I loved and dreamed my child would grow up with, a small part of my heart ached. Not for what is but for what I imagined.

This journey is such a gift. Its teaching me to be stronger, to understand that no path is paved without bumps and that even though what I planned to be may not be, what is can still be good.

So this Halloween wasn't as happy as I expected but it also showed me that I can be happy with the unexpected as well.


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