Don't Make Plans

As I drove home from the doctor's office with sweet Serrie in the back I blared my Dave Matthews CD and thought of years ago when life seemed hard but truly wasn't. Before I had kids I knew how to parent. I also knew what every child needed. I was the child whisperer. Then I had my own kids and they didn't get the memo.

Since Seraphina's diagnosis we have been working hard. There have been up to 9 therapies a week at our most intense point and since she's been in school she's out of the house at least 14 hours a week receiving services for speech, OT and social interaction. I have seen some progression and just today my post on Facebook talked about how I hoped that the doctor would witness such growth.

Today we had our follow up at the developmental pediatrician. I love her. I love her office. I love her staff. I love the nurse. Seraphina has other thoughts. Seraphina refuses the scale. So I got weighed today. Yeah. Not. Seraphina refuses to get measured. They didn't make me get measured and listening to her heart became a battle not worth fighting. Though we have seen progression at home and in comfortable environments, Seraphina was not interested in showing that growth to anyone. Not for stickers. Not for bubbles. Not for my rolling on the floor until I broke into a sweat. Seraphina was instead engrossed in all the little trinkets and toys on the floor and interacting through pointing, pictures and flash cards was not going to happen. Not today anyway.

Today our list of 4 diagnosed disabilities grew to 7. Really? It wasn't the outcome I had envisioned. Heck, I even did my hair and make up. It was going to be the perfect sunny afternoon to take a selfie, post it and shout from the rooftops at how much progress we made. While she did hear the language increase, my child decided it was not her day to play or her time to shine.

Another valuable lesson I have learned on this journey is not to make plans. I am a Type A mom with plans and this journey is teaching me that my plans are just opportunity for someone to throw them under the bus.

Some days we have rock star days where I can take my sweet girl to the mall and walk around to 4 stores before leaving all while she follows listening to me talk and following what I have to say or I can wake up next to her sweet, soft face and she can look in my eyes and tell me she loves me without my saying "I love you" first.

Some days are days when I can't even get her dressed or I have to bribe her to eat a meal and that is just the way it goes.

I am learning to be humbled by this experience to learn that I am not in control and that the best laid plans aren't necessary because life is going to happen as it should.

Today I walked out of the office with a reminder not to make plans for we know not what tomorrow brings. I do know Monday brings and IEP with some firm notes from the Physician including adding full day, physical therapy and more speech. That being said I won't plan to have those directives taken instead I will try to go with the flow and roll with whatever comes my way.


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