When the Grass Isn't Greener

Today I went and looked at a house in the town I want to live. I have always said I either want to live IN town or ON a farm. I live somewhere in between. I am technically in a "rural" mail carrier route smack dab in the middle of a neighborhood. I love my house. I love my property and my neighbors in the hood are nice. We don't have "close" friends in this hood but there are people I know would help if I needed them. I believe it. I feel it and I know it to be true.

Today however I went to look at a house in the town that I adore. Clinton. Do I adore Clinton? Or do I adore the idea of Clinton? I am often a jump first, look later kind of gal. I think it proves to be true when you recall how I met my husband and how I told him I would marry him the first time I saw him. This house however wasn't JUST in Clinton but on the STREET I have dreamed of living. Walk to the park. Walk to town. Walk to the library. It was perfection...or was it?

The house was nice. It really was. It was updated with beautiful amenities but as I walked through I thought of my home. My own amenities may not be as flashy but that yellow basement? Its ours and has seen TV Broadcasts, dance parties, many a storms (including this week) and kids running up and down the stairs shouting with glee. I also thought of my space. I don't have enough bedrooms. As I sit and look up in my vaulted ceiling I wonder exactly how I can drop a floor in to add one more bedroom to give us a little more space. Would moving to a smaller house really be conducive to our family?

I wanted to love the house. And I did. Three kids ago, when I hadn't lived in what is my park like setting of a backyard. I have a fairy path (it needs some work but with a few flowering bushes (who can help me with that?) and a few built fairy houses, it will be as it was intended. I have a playground that sits atop rubber mulch..okay so its rubber mulch with a ton of acorns but none the less its the playground McDonald's Happy Meals were brought to as my kids moved into our new house.

I learned today as we had family over and we sat on our shaded patio that THIS is my home. I wish it were closer to where I WANT to be but God has us here. I am certain its for a reason, he just hasn't stamped it on my forehead.

One thing I worry about is the coming year. I will be giving up a Mother's Group I love so much because of the school schedule. I will be giving up family co-op (which hasn't really started but I need) because of the back and forth drive and I will be having to drive up and down 31 too many times to count....

God did prove something today though. He let me know that its time to learn to lean on others and hope those promises of "let me know if you need help" weren't empty because coming this fall I just may need it.

The grass, its not always greener in another town. Yes, my grass may not be where I intended but its growing just fine and this is where I am meant to be.


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