Cause I am a Bad*ss

Okay, I am about as far from bad*ss as one gets but sometimes I like to pretend and right now, I am wearing the mask quite well.

This week I tried. I tried more than in weeks past and no matter how much I did, how much I gave, how much I helped by Thursday night I was in need of a break. An hour. A day. A week. I was overwhelmed. My kids (though they had sleepovers, friends over, play dates, trips out) were asking for more and I was struggling to run around and keep up with all their wants and needs.

Its summer. Its their summer and then it hit...ITS MY SUMMER TOO!

Sure, this summer ISN'T what I planned but each day I live, though I live for my family, I also realized I should be living for me. I won't lie, I am excited to see Serrie progress a bit and I was excited to get her speech evaluation in the mail but when I opened it, I cried. I will NEVER get used to reading these long winded evaluations about one snippet in my child's life that seems to be able to identify and address all her shortcomings and while I understand these people are professionals and that much of what they say is correct, its one snippet and I am left reeling thinking of all the hard work I have done and why the work isn't perfecting this perfect creature God created.

Last night on a whim, after the week of doing all I can for my family I decided I was going to crack and I needed to do something for me. My mom and dad happen to be the most incredible people to walk this earth. They adopted me, they raised me and they put up with me when putting up with me wasn't the easiest thing to do (READ: I WAS AN AWFUL CHILD). To this day, they still give. They give their all. They drive 8 hours to see me (and their grandchildren and son-in-law), they give to us emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. My parents truly are the greatest gift that any adopted child ever could receive. Truth be told, I missed them. I wasn't about to call and ask them to come yet another time up to New Jersey where I wanted them to help, to go grocery shopping and keep me company as therapists came in and out of the house but I wanted to see them and so I decided that I would go to them.

This morning I spent the morning cancelling appointments. Well visits can wait. Grandparents cannot. I spent the morning rescheduling orthodontists and explained I had to have my child seen and I spent the morning gearing up for that 16 hour round trip to see my mom and dad.

My kids think I am doing this for them. We have Busch Gardens and Water Country passes and they are pretty certain I am the bomb for getting them back there before they expire but truth be told, I am getting them back there for me. I want to go and get a manicure with my mom. I want to go to eat with my dad. I want my son to play mini-golf or go visit the Golden Horseshoe with Papa. My parents are part of who I am and part of the reason I am getting through all this crap as well as I can.

My parents cried with me when Seraphina was diagnosed. They pumped me up as I identified her needs and they supported me when I made the decision to get as much help as I could as quickly as I could. So today, I decided to throw caution to the wind and put myself and my kids first because in seeing my parents I realize that I am doing what is best for my family.


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