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Showing posts from July, 2016

Cause I am a Bad*ss

Okay, I am about as far from bad*ss as one gets but sometimes I like to pretend and right now, I am wearing the mask quite well.

This week I tried. I tried more than in weeks past and no matter how much I did, how much I gave, how much I helped by Thursday night I was in need of a break. An hour. A day. A week. I was overwhelmed. My kids (though they had sleepovers, friends over, play dates, trips out) were asking for more and I was struggling to run around and keep up with all their wants and needs.

Its summer. Its their summer and then it hit...ITS MY SUMMER TOO!

Sure, this summer ISN'T what I planned but each day I live, though I live for my family, I also realized I should be living for me. I won't lie, I am excited to see Serrie progress a bit and I was excited to get her speech evaluation in the mail but when I opened it, I cried. I will NEVER get used to reading these long winded evaluations about one snippet in my child's life that seems to be able to identify and …

A Visit to the Doctor

This morning I was up with the sun as I showered and headed off to take our only little man to the doctors. It was his "kindergarten" check up but alas, he isn't going because his behavior doesn't quite meet kindergarten standards. Before leaving he asked for an extra cuddle. I laid next to him taking in his sweet smell and remembering the birth of this amazing gift. His little floppy ear, his enormous blue eyes and the way he just was. He was our sweet, chubby boy who seemed perfect in every way. He was our family prince. Still is.

As we sat in the office, he and I, I read to him and thought of how this year has changed our life. All our lives. Its been incredible what one small hiccup can do to transition an entire family. I had no idea how one fairly common diagnosis could change us so much. The doctor came in and this defiant little one sat in my lap angrily answering every question as negatively as possible. She giggled alone with me as I shook my head and let h…

When the Grass Isn't Greener

Today I went and looked at a house in the town I want to live. I have always said I either want to live IN town or ON a farm. I live somewhere in between. I am technically in a "rural" mail carrier route smack dab in the middle of a neighborhood. I love my house. I love my property and my neighbors in the hood are nice. We don't have "close" friends in this hood but there are people I know would help if I needed them. I believe it. I feel it and I know it to be true.

Today however I went to look at a house in the town that I adore. Clinton. Do I adore Clinton? Or do I adore the idea of Clinton? I am often a jump first, look later kind of gal. I think it proves to be true when you recall how I met my husband and how I told him I would marry him the first time I saw him. This house however wasn't JUST in Clinton but on the STREET I have dreamed of living. Walk to the park. Walk to town. Walk to the library. It was perfection...or was it?

The house was nice. I…

The Summer of Suck

Today while driving my 5 year old who has been driving me absolutely INSANE announced, "I can't wait until Serrie doesn't have autism anymore so we can not spend all our time on her". As I drove I couldn't answer. My throat hurt. My eyes stung and the older girls who usually snap back with a sarcastic comment said nothing.

Truth is, this is the beginning. Its the beginning of a ride I never planned or intended. Its the beginning of a journey that will give us more understanding of a disorder I thought I understood with a child who struggled with sensory issues but its a disorder that I am just learning to understand.

I took the bull by the horns. I got her evaluated because something in my gut said something wasn't right. I got her help and took all they offered. I spent a little more than I should have on every item ever therapist told me to purchase. I wanted to make this disorder disappear and I wanted it gone. Now.

Truth is, it will most likely never be g…

Month of Mommy

I turned 37. It sounds incredibly old to me. I feel like just yesterday I was 24, pregnant and ready for my first child to be born. Strangely enough, that child is now a tween, acting like a teen and I am nearing 40. EEP!

This spring has been spent making appointments, scheduling visits, keeping up with therapies and TRYING my best to make the other kids feel like they are still living a normal life. The daily work outs? They are gone. The healthy eating? Its eat and run and the wine? Well, I have gone from the occasional glass of wine drinker to a woman who can finish a bottle in a few days...this mom is running on fumes and I realize, the short temper and less than peaceful demeanor is something I need to change, for me.

This month as I stare at my schedule, I am overwhelmed by the listing of appointments, moments of therapies and the inability to make sure my kids had the summer I envisioned...since I have this schedule I realize I have to be as even as I possibly can and so I am m…