Mother's Retreat

This year's Mother's Retreat had me reeling. In honesty, I didn't want to go. I felt off with one of my closest friends and couldn't put my finger on it. I wanted to run and hide. This friend who I see now as a sister pushed me to my limits and for good reason. She must have known God would be pushing me now.

The last week has been a whirlwind of emotions. First, I pray she's okay, then I witness a child the same age and know in my heart that the next doctor will only confirm the first two physician's findings. Still, I hold out hope.

I have been crying. Like a baby. I have been lamenting the loss of Mother's Day Tea's, little voices talking to me in the car and the thought of so much.

I have been rejoicing in the support. In the fact there is so much unknown and that she is in fact verbal (when she wants) and can make eye contact (when she wants) and is cuddly (when she wants).

Today as I belted out the songs that each mom picked to go with their talk, I felt each of there presences within my home. I thought of the weekend and their talks.

I could share each song and I know that each would touch your heart. Yesterday, I shared my own.

I am listening to that song now.


Honest.
Brokenness.
Mercy.

We as humans are such complex beings. We each hold a part of ourselves out of reach from everyone, even our spouses at times. We as humans need each other. We need to reach out and accept others for what they cannot be.

Outside of the sobs, the tears as I clean up spilled milk and grab the tiny tot chewing on the electrical cord, I realize we are all the same.

We are all wanting to be loved and for me, that is my biggest fear. I fear her not being loved. I fear her being abandoned and I fear myself being abandoned as well. Alone. On this journey which now has a strange twist.

As I listen, I think of each momma and how they have not just been on a retreat with me but grown into my heart.

This week as you go about your day, your life, your week, I call each of you to reach out. Reach out to someone who may need it. It may be someone you see everyday, it may be someone who you see once in a while but reach out and go out of your way to pull that person into you. They may truly need it.

As for me, this Mother's Retreat, though I fought it was what I needed going into battle because you see, I have my army behind me...and I hope that army sticks together, grows and not just works together for my benefit but for each of our benefits. For us all to give and give each other all of us.


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