Holding Out Hope

That it is just a speech delay and wondering if some of the other behaviors are just because she's frustrated. I am pretty sure that it may not be the case but today was a day of major talking for her. I was elated as we visited with a friend and she talked about chickens, stroked a baby's hair and identified him as "cute cute cute". She also asked for milk. She STILL had her major tantrums that tend to tire me to the core but I saw peeks of "PERRRRRFECT" as she says.

Sometimes for me I find the waiting game to be the biggest challenge. I am one that is Type A and likes to have everything buttoned up. If in fact she IS "high functioning autism"--they don't say Asperger's Syndrome anymore, then by all means, get that diagnosis and sign that kid up for all the therapy you can find. If its a language delay, by all means, identify it, and sign that kid up for all the therapy you can find. Today, the lovely woman at the developmental pediatrician called and let me know she had a number of other patients to process first but I should expect a call with the time and date of an appointment next week. To this, I asked if there was a cancellation list and if we could be on it. She noted that immediately. I then let her know she's not yet in school AND we can come at any time. I even suggested day or night but I am expecting she fare better when its traditional waking hours.

This isn't our first time on the specialist pony. I remember when our oldest first had to see a cardiologist. Pregnant and swollen I climbed into her tiny toddler bed holding her tight. I listened as she slept to her chest. I shook with fear hoping that she was okay. That murmur that scared the pediatrician ended up being a benign murmur. With our second born, we waited for months to have a "yay or nay" on her cystic fibrosis test and while we waited, I drove myself crazy even listening to everyone else when they told me to "lick" her and see if she tasted "salty". I am replaying these visits with my older kids because, they turned out okay.

That being said, as a parent, you sign up for happy and healthy. I always say when I am pregnant "we are hoping for happy and healthy but if we can't have that we pray we have the love and support of others to raise the child God sees fit".

No child is perfect. I am getting to be more aware that each child comes with their own struggles and instead of fearing them, I wonder if we should celebrate them? I also wonder if we as parents should always "hold out hope". This life journey is not a sprint, its a marathon and as in all marathons there are unexpected events that come up while training. Typically they culminate in a finished race. We should always expect the best of our kids but know each child has a different best. Each child is unique. Unique isn't scary or wrong. Unique is good.  We should also celebrate each child in our family for who they are and what they bring to the table. Every child and each sibling is a unique individual who was specifically chosen to be in the hands of their parents no matter how they got there.

So today, after thinking about my parenting roles with the children who went before, I choose to hold out hope. I choose to celebrate her unique self and I choose to look at each moment as a gift...and to giggle when she decides that she's playing with her big sister's Itty Bitty Dolls "Anna and Applesauce".....


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