A Little Hope

Yesterday, I mentioned we don't have a final diagnosis as we are waiting to get into the specialist. Yesterday was a day filled with sadness. I found tears at every turn and just saying the word "preliminary diagnosis" seemed to send me into a crushing tailspin.

Today is a new day. Today as I drove out to gather supplies to make sensory bottles for my sweet Serrie, I sobbed listening to the song my dearest friends chose for my Mother's Retreat talk. How it spoke to me then but now how it shouted at me and reminded me that THIS is our life. This is our path. We are all broken. We are all called to carry each other in our weakness and in the last few days so many have reached out and carried me.

This morning I took each of my older kids aside and asked them what they understood of the appointments that we had this week. I was in awe. The oldest, took the bull by the horns letting me know she's here. She's willing to help and she wants to see her sister succeed. This child, who can be a bit bold will be a great advocate if I cannot be present. The second born, her innocence was a gift. She shared some tips on how to help her. She reminded me that many of her friends are "different" but perfect. As I listened, I realized WE as adults are the ones who love labels (myself included). We are the ones who judge and THEY are the ones we should follow here. Always. Finally, my third....well, she's just the sweetest thing. She is insistent that she will teach her and have her ready for "Miss Joy's class this fall". She speaks to her and asks her questions. Constantly. Sometimes she actually gets her attention. As I listened to them, I learned. I was hopeful that all kids would see others with differences as a gift.

Later today, as I took my daughter to a party, those in her class lifted me. They listened. They understood.

When we got home, I heard her words, "I love you". It wasn't the way you hear your child say it. It was in her own way but as she danced for the first time following along with her sisters, I began to have hope.

Autism is a scary word. What I have learned is that there is such a wide variety of autism AND even with a diagnosis (which maybe isn't 100% right), there is so much these amazing people are bringing to this world. Daily. I see it in my Serrie and when I think about the future, I know she will be okay. Its not perfect and I won't lie, I am a little overwhelmed and scared but God has this and I pray he uses me for His good.


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